Day Twenty-Two

ahhh. today was nice. it was the first day at my job where i felt useful, like i'm starting to know people and like i got shit done. and that's a good fucking feeling. i think the most important thing to me in life is feeling useful. and i so often feel like i'm just a waste of space.

today didnt feel like that and it made all the difference. i am so grateful for that.

martine and ethan are the partners on my team. martine had me come in her office to explain something she wants me to do and she said that she has many more responsibilities she wants me to take on but that she wants to ease me in. perfect. it was so good to hear that. firstly, because it's really fucking sane and reasonable. secondly, because it means that i haven't been SUPPOSED to know what i'm doing just yet. and thirdly, that she still wants me there and has ideas in mind of what i will eventually be doing.

then i talked with this really nice woman named libby, who is a lawyer. she had me come in and close the door so she could tell me about the company and hear about me and what not. she was fantastic and i could see really being friends with her. she is only part-time at this point because she has two little kids and--as she put it--she loves immigration law but is totally "over it" at this point. but she said it's a great team to be working on, and basically confirmed what i thought--that martine is really great at giving people more responsibilities if they step up and to help them advance their careers there and what not.

i also had therapy. man, my therapist is smart and boy does he understand alcoholics in a way i've never experienced with another therapist. and it's amazing that i see him for group and individual because i act very different in each, and he uses all the information together to get to know me and make suggestions and tell me what i need to think about and what not. so like today we talked about goals. which... is a big deal. because i dont have any. and apparently having them is important. reaching them is another matter all together, but having goals... i can see where they would come in handy. he also had a lot of interesting stuff to say on other stuff that i shared... i'm very happy with him. even though he makes me uncomfortable and do things i dont want to do.

tonight was a two meeting night. i like tuesdays because there are two meetings in a row, with a five minute break in the middle, at my home group. plus i got to see both katie and jesse and they both make me feel really good just by being with me.

so yeah. day twenty-two rocked pretty hard. and i didnt think about drinking, not one time.