Day Three

i am sober. today is day three. i am starting to feel more like myself and it feels like an unbelievable blessing. it's so scary, when in the shit, to forget who i am and how i feel and what i can do. to think i'll never get it back. when i think about this weekend, and earlier this week, i get really overwhelmed. when i think about tomorrow, or next week, i get really overwhelmed. but when i think about today, right now, i feel okay. so as long as i can stay here in this moment i know i've got way more than a fighting chance.

last night: meeting --> fellowship --> home. it was, again, hard to sit in the meeting. i was starting to drink every day around 7:30 or so, and it is a real challenge when that time comes around to let the urges go by. so much of me wants to pop up and run out. that's what feels natural. but i'm already forging new habits and behaviors and soon enough they'll start to feel right, i bet.

tonight i have group therapy, which was really super fun last week despite the fact that i was only on day one and knew i wouldnt last the day. when i saw my therapist for individual therapy on tuesday, the first thing he said was, "day?" and i had to tell him i was still on day one. that was fucking hard. but today i get to say, day three. and you better fucking believe i'm going to say it louder and with my head held high. i'm moving in the right direction. sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly, but i'm moving.