Day Four

i am sober. it is day four. it was a CRAZY INTENSE AND STRESSFUL DAY. it was my last day at S&S and there was SO MUCH TO DO. so. much. to. do. i wanted to get so many things done that i put off the packing and cleaning until the end and... i did not leave enough time for those tasks. also, the building was basically empty because today was the first summer friday, and before a long weekend, so nearly everyone was out. which was good for my productivity but bad for my morale. i got several emails from people who were out of the office who said they didnt know i was leaving and that they wished they could say goodbye in person but they were out. and most people probably wont even see caitlyn's email until monday. so that kind of sucked. luckily, one of my two work besties was there, and she helped me pack up books for a while, in a very organized fashion. but when she left for the day is when i got kind of insane and panicky.

katie, my sponsor, had texted earlier, though, and asked me to meet for dinner before the meeting, and i had said yes, so there was a hard stop time of 630... which ended up being perfect, but caused me crazy stress when i didnt think i would be done in time. but anyway, i did, and i took the subway back to brooklyn, and all the stress and exhaustion caught up with me and i got sick. just nauseated and barfy and gross. and i was going to cancel on katie but decided to go... and oh my god. i'm so glad i did. first of all, i dont think ive mentioned how much i adore katie. she's just fucking awesome. she's smart and funny and quick and fun and she has so much great knowledge and experience and she WANTS TO SHARE IT ALL WITH ME! i am so lucky. she always knows the right thing to say and is down to earth and wildly creative and is just the best. so dinner was super great, even though i was really exhausted and out of it and it probably wasn't as much fun for her. :) but after, i felt so, so much better.

and then the meeting. see, the thing is, there are all different sorts of meetings. both in their format and in how much of an impact they have on me and all that jazz. and tonight's was incredible. it really was. it made me feel good and inspired and i related to so many things and i just felt empowered and lighter after. i'm not even nervous that i'm going to go drink, even though it's 10 pm on a friday at the beginning of my vacation. i just dont feel like i need it. i feel like what i have now is too good to give up.